A few months ago when applying a feminine product to my undergarments, I found a message scrawled all over the part covering what the manufacturer refers to as the "wings." Never before had such a mundane and even depressing moment been met with such exuberance. I almost immediately wanted to share it with my three readers, but panicked that on top of being an unsavory topic that certifying the occurrence of my period was somehow just completely undignified.
The problem was that every time I thought to blog about this I was on my period. The "Have a Happy Period!" messages would remind me and I would set aside a new adhesive covering to scan. This went on for a good 4-5 cycles and every time I cleaned my counters I had to find a place to tuck that stupid piece of waxy paper.
The latest package I bought does not include this message - no well wishes, just the old boring badge. I was determined to find the paper right then and there (well after I had pulled my pants up) and set out to find the scrap. I tore some of my piles apart and made a mess looking for it. I decided that I had to finally let the world know what was going on in women's sanitary products. I was going to let the blogosphere (gross word) know even if it meant exposing my cycle date. "Let them know! Let them mark their calendars and live in fear!" I thought. Perhaps due to blood loss, I could not find the memento and gave up. In looking to see if someone else had posted a pic, I did find that Always has a whole web site dedicated to this philosophy.
So don't believe me, check it out for yourself. I especially enjoyed the narcissistic philosophy that included, "This is the time when, even if something is even slightly annoying, the world (curly font) should know about it." Isn't that what blogs are for? Now I have TWO excuses. I haven't heard from my sister yet; I hope she enjoyed the ecard I sent her. I am still trying to understand just what kind of person would download the Always background in the "pick-me-up downloads". It's bad enough wearing a small diaper; I definitely don't want to stare at a reminder of it all day.
Sorry to tell you that while I finally found the scrap of paper after cleaning my desk, it is no longer "that time," so friends you will have to be on guard all month as usual.
While I am on this subject, I would like Ralph's to know that they are NOT Costco. When I got my most recent period early and went to the store for more panty liners, there were only three choices. 1. Costco-sized box. 2. Thong liners. WHAT IS THE POINT? (Shaking head) 3. Large(r) woman size. I am big, but not that big and hey, I can just get an adult diaper if it comes to that. I had just done my Trader Joe's shopping and had a full cart, so in addition to being forced to choose the Costco-sized box, I had to put it right on top of all the bags. While I don't mind sharing my period stories with all of you, I just don't want to stand in line behind a bunch of teenagers with over a hundred sanitary napkins. Call me old fashioned.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
LOL Awesome.
A couple of weeks ago I had the experience of being embarassed over buying pads for the first time.My sister lives in Thailand and they stopped selling the kind she usually buys and so asked me to send her some. Always wanting to be prepared I bought her 5 packs of them. With my 5 packs of pads and 3 deoderants (another thing she can't find) I don't know if the pimpley teenage boy behind the counter was more embarassed or I was. All I could think was "he must think I have some really big problems."
The subject of a spam message I got recently was "pms hilarity." I was, naturally, baffled by it at the time, but now I know what it was referring to.
When I was in college and worked at the equivalent of the Sunshine Store, I used to refill all the candy. The boxes from Ferrara Pan (who make all the "&" candies like Mike & Ike and Hot Tamales (yeah, yeah, no "&" in that one) had little mottoes written on the inside. My favorite one said "Candy is delicious food. Eat some every day!"
Post a Comment